It used to be that when your birthday rolled around, it really meant something when someone remembered to give you a call or send you a card. It meant that person cared enough about you to remember your birthday and just acknowledge it. It was a small, simple thing but I believe many people considered it meaningful and worthwhile.
Facebook killed this.
The little reminder that pops up every day to tell you which of your friends are having a birthday (or will have one soon) means that nobody actually remembers anyone’s birthday any more. When you see a friend’s birthday notice, you can go to their wall and see 90 gazillion “Happy Birthday!” wall posts.
There are so many, and from so many random people, that they have been rendered meaningless.
Nobody actually remembered anything. Oftentimes, the people posting happy birthday messages barely even know the person they are posting about. They might just be Farmville friends someone picked up in order to unlock more features.
There are tons of huge benefits from a site like Facebook. Overall, I think it is a titanic achievement and a marvelous tool. But we have lost some things too – not just privacy. We’ve lost the good feeling we get when someone remembers our birthday, or the joy of remembering someone ELSE’S birthday and making them feel special just by the remembrance.
This is true! On the same note, I sent my brother a $50.00 gift card last Christmas but I didn’t receive anything back (and didn’t expect anything back because he never sent anything in the past anyway). Then, on Christmas day, he “texted” me and asked why I didn’t call him and wish him a Merry Christmas. I asked him if he get my gift card for $50.00. He said to me, “Well yes, but, when you only get something from your older sister once per year, it sort of doesn’t mean anything anymore.”
Guess what he’s getting next Christmas?
We have to try and remember those who are sentimental, keep them in mind and pick up the phone. Save your efforts for those people who give back or appreciate you. Those other folks, well, yes they have been hardened I think.
Great post!
Diane: That’s horrible. What does “only getting something once a year” have to do with it not meaning anything? That makes it more meaningful imho. Plus, anything you get from a sibling is special. A sibling doesn’t owe you anything – not like the relationship between parent and child. I hope you are able to stick to your guns and give him nothing for Christmas next year! Teach him a lesson!
Also, that’s so passive aggressive to TEXT you and ask why you didn’t CALL him. Weaksauce!
Good point about remembering who is sentimental. I know I am.
Thanks for reading and posting!
This is so timely! and such a good point. I scan the people having b-days this week and many of them I can’t place but then I try to remember if they had posted a happy birthday on MY wall and I don’t want to be rude and basically it has changed into another to-do that is rendered meaningless because I automatically post and move on with the other things on my to-do list like paying a bill or picking up the dry cleaning. sadness.
Responding to people’s Facebook posts:
@Deborah: I have felt the same way!
@Amber: That’s true, but since you know that in your mind, it makes it a little less special when he remembers. And for him, its a little less of an accomplishment.
At least that’s how I would feel about it.
@Eyal, I don’t doubt the utility. But the problem is, now it is almost meaningless. Now its just Facebook telling you rather than it mattering enough to be remembered. Facebook makes remembering less special and meaningful. Therein is the loss.
Also @Eyal: Its not the sense of accomplishment. Its the fact that eventually, the person on the other end knows you only remembered because Facebook automatically told you. At that point, the fact that you send them a message doesn’t mean very much.
OMG, thank you for mentioning the passive aggressive thing, too! So true.
Something I want to add about the whole birthday thing. It allows for a lot of birthday wishes that people wouldn’t get otherwise, but as you say, it also lessens the impact of getting the birthday wishes and greetings from loved ones who feel that it’s more convenient to do so over Facebook. Sometimes, I feel creepy about just sending a Facebook, “Happy Birthday, have a good one” and instead I’ll upload a birthday cake as a special thing. But think about it…it’s not the same as baking someone a cake!
I agree with you, things have gotten less meaningful and special in this world of social networking! That IS sad.
You can’t get something for nothing, and this is one of the prices we have to pay in exchange for everything good we get from social media/Facebook.
I am sure when they added the feature they didn’t even think about this kind of circumstance, nor would I expect them to. It is definitely a negative “emergent behavior” that one could not reasonably predict.
Maybe I’m kind of missing the point here, but I don’t really see how a Facebook reminder of “It’s ‘s birthday” is entirely different from scribbling down the date for that person’s birthday in your calendar.
I *do* agree however, that the bazillions of “Happy birthday!”s on your FB wall hold very little meaning. But when someone is reminded of my birthday in some way (be it FB, a calendar, or divine revelation for all I care) and sends me a text or gives me a call or something, that still means exactly the same to me as it always did: a lot. My FB friends will post on my wall and wish me a happy birthday, that’s fine. But so did a hundred other people, and that takes away that special quality a bit.
(I also think it’s a good thing convenience is mentioned. Yes, sometimes it’s just more convenient to post a “Happy birthday” on someone’s wall. But I personally always try to follow that up with a “Happy birthday” that feels less like it’s being mass-produced.)
Perhaps a tiny bit off-topic, but I always kind of resented e-cards for birthdays (or for anything else, for that matter). I don’t quite understand why either. This person could have sifted through a lot of cards, put in some serious effort to find a good one, but a ‘real’ card just means so much more to me.
Urgh… this really makes me feel like I’m seriously not in touch with the average human.
The idea of giving Facebook my birthday is about as attractive as pedophilia (which itself is about as attractive as permadeath) to me. Why don’t I just give them my SSN, mother’s maiden name, and my account and routing numbers while I’m at it? It is insane to me, someone would actually do something like that to themselves.
It’s bad enough that I admit a person named Bryan M. might really exist.
So I do what is the correct thing to do when asked confidential secrets: I lie.
This has led to a day known as Birthday Gate 2011. People told me happy birthday. I explained it wasn’t my birthday and why I’m a liar. This was amusing the first two or three times. After that, it became immeasurably depressing to realize these people don’t even skim their recent news feed, or otherwise they would have known the dark truth of the matter. I simply began responding by wishing them a happy fake birthday as well, or “Merry Thanksgiving” / “Happy Christmas”.
In the aftermath of the scandal, I decided it would be wise to change the date listed to around six months in the future. I know at least one of them will fall for it twice – whether I make fun of them or unfriend them is up in the air for now.
In the end I would not recommend doing this sort of thing, unless you want to know who truly wuvs you.. because this feels like having three birthdays in a single year, and I already feel old to begin with damnit.
Isaac: At least when you write it on your calendar, and check it, etc. you did the work. The facebook reminder comes because the other person put their birthday in. Its fire and forget. And yes, those wall posts are just garbage imho
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I think your resentment of e-cards is similar. It is a lack of effort. You know all they did was click, click, maybe type a few words, and done.
What makes being remembered special is when you know the person either put some effort in or at least cared enough about you that your birthday, anniversary, etc. is something that stays locked in their mind somehow. Or that they care enough to keep track of it personally by some means that takes effort.
@Bryan: Hahahahaha. I love that idea.
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